"Miss Señora...may I have a moment of your time?" asked my AP (assistant principal for those of you not in the know).
"Of course" I begrudgingly replied. Hey, it was only 45 minutes past the minute that I stopped getting paid and I'm still here working...what's a short chat among...non-friends?
"Dulce's mom came up to the office today. She is very concerned about the movie you showed yesterday. What is your take on this situation?"
Situation? What situation? I showed a movie about Christmas celebrations in Mexico put out by an educational company. ...I thought to myself. "Well, the movie's over there in the DVD player...would you like to see it?" I responded instead.
"No, no." was her quick reply. "But Miss Señora, she told me that you told the children there was no Santa Claus. In fact I heard about your kids last year..."
Santa Claus? Dulce is 13 years old and living in the Bronx...how does she not know about Santa Claus? And what on earth did I do to my students last year? I didn't even own the video then and I never discussed Santa...I think we sang the donkey song and made cards that said Feliz Navidad. Who the heck is this Scrooge they're hunting? ..."I have no idea what you're talking about" was all I could think to say.
"Well you told them about how your children stayed up too late and so 'Santa'...meaning you...never brought them presents". This was accompanied by one of those corner-of-the-eye-glares.
You've got to be kidding me. "But I don't have any children." I reminded her.
"Oh. Right. Well what about your husband?" she said, thinking she'd outsmarted me.
"We have no children. None. And I've never withheld Christmas from anyone. And the video doesn't discuss Santa Claus because Mexicans don't have Santa Claus. I don't understand why this is a problem."
"Well, let's just not discuss him again ok?", she grimaced in defeat as she headed towards the door.
"I'll do my best" (oops, hope she doesn't have that mom-vision that allows her to see me roll my eyes as she walks away).
Today I shall begin a tally of horrors for which I have been accused this year. In no particular order:
-Killing Santa Claus (Me and Mr. Monk I suppose)
-Stealing shoes from my students
-Giving students carpal tunnel.
-Fibbing to parents
-Ruining a student's day
-Screaming at a student who I do not teach or know.
-Being "the one teacher that I (Thumbs) don't f*** around with" (as told to his psychiatrist)
I shall accept ONLY the last as true...I'm quite proud of that in fact. More to come I'm sure...