Tuesday, December 18, 2007


"Miss Señora...may I have a moment of your time?" asked my AP (assistant principal for those of you not in the know).

"Of course"
I begrudgingly replied. Hey, it was only 45 minutes past the minute that I stopped getting paid and I'm still here working...what's a short chat among...non-friends?

"Dulce's mom came up to the office today. She is very concerned about the movie you showed yesterday. What is your take on this situation?"

Situation? What situation? I showed a movie about Christmas celebrations in Mexico put out by an educational company. ...I thought to myself. "Well, the movie's over there in the DVD player...would you like to see it?" I responded instead.

"No, no." was her quick reply. "But Miss Señora, she told me that you told the children there was no Santa Claus. In fact I heard about your kids last year..."

Santa Claus? Dulce is 13 years old and living in the Bronx...how does she not know about Santa Claus? And what on earth did I do to my students last year? I didn't even own the video then and I never discussed Santa...I think we sang the donkey song and made cards that said Feliz Navidad. Who the heck is this Scrooge they're hunting? ..."I have no idea what you're talking about" was all I could think to say.

"Well you told them about how your children stayed up too late and so 'Santa'...meaning you...never brought them presents". This was accompanied by one of those corner-of-the-eye-glares.

You've got to be kidding me. "But I don't have any children." I reminded her.

"Oh. Right. Well what about your husband?" she said, thinking she'd outsmarted me.

"We have no children. None. And I've never withheld Christmas from anyone. And the video doesn't discuss Santa Claus because Mexicans don't have Santa Claus. I don't understand why this is a problem."

"Well, let's just not discuss him again ok?", she grimaced in defeat as she headed towards the door.

"I'll do my best" (oops, hope she doesn't have that mom-vision that allows her to see me roll my eyes as she walks away).

Today I shall begin a tally of horrors for which I have been accused this year. In no particular order:

-Killing Santa Claus (Me and Mr. Monk I suppose)
-Stealing shoes from my students
-Giving students carpal tunnel.
-Fibbing to parents
-Ruining a student's day
-Screaming at a student who I do not teach or know.
-Being "the one teacher that I (Thumbs) don't f*** around with" (as told to his psychiatrist)

I shall accept ONLY the last as true...I'm quite proud of that in fact. More to come I'm sure...

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Spanish Scattergories

The week of Thanksgiving, being only three days long, I decided to cut my kids some slack. Well, the good kids anyway. So I played Scattergories with my all-girls class. Their vocabulary isn't broad enough yet for an all-Spanish game, so I just gave bonus points if they were able to use Spanish words. If you haven't played Scattergories, let me give you the basic rules (at least, the way they were played in my class):

-Roll a lettered, many-sided dice to get the key Letter of the round.
-Give a category from the card and 30 seconds to select as many words starting with the key letter that fit the category.
-You receive points for picking words that nobody else picked (very difficult in a class of 32 children)

I share this with you so that I can give you some examples of the responses the girls gave me. They speak for themselves.

*F - 'Excuses For Being Late'
----(Overheard) "Damn, I have so many good excuses I use and I can't think of one of them now!"

*R -'Places That Are Hot'
---- "Miss Señora...do you mean 'hot' like temperature or 'hot' like a tight place to go?" (translation for those of you who still don't get it...think Paris Hilton)

*F - 'Bad Habits'
---- "Being frisky!" (yes, they're still only 12 years old)

*B -'Things you wear'
---- "Bling Bling!" (she was excited because double points are awarded for answers that are two-word phrases in which both words begin with the Key letter)

*M -"Famous People'
----"Mark Wahlberg!"
...another student: "Who's that?"
...me: "You know, Donnie Wahlberg's brother"
...student: huh?
...me again: "From New Kids on the Block!"
...student: "You mean that Mark Wahlberg grew up on your block?"
...me: *sigh

*P -'Cosmetics and Toiletries'
----"Huh? What does that mean?"
...me: "They are items that you would use for personal hygiene in the restroom as well as perfumes, colognes and makeup."
...student 1: "I still don't get it."
...student 2: "I think she means, like, bathroom stuff and, like, things you use in the bathroom..."
...entire class: "Ooooooooh. I get it!"
...me: "Are you kidding me?!?!"