Announcement to homeroom:
You smell. You smell really really really bad. I have trouble breathing when I enter a room that you have been stewing in. Other teachers are noticing. You are individually noticing each other's smells and bothering me about it during my personal time. This must be fixed. You are now 12 and 13 years old. Your armpits will emit odor (laughter)....
I'm not joking guys. The B.O. is horrendous in here.
But what is B.O.? asks F.N. (without raising his hand....grrr...)
Are you joking? ...Oh, you're not.
B.O. stands for "Body Odor" (hysterical laughter and approximately 34 voices all repeating "BODY odor BODY odor BODY odor" over and over again)
Let me recommend a few things for you to do:
-Shower daily...preferably in the morning before I have to be in the same room with you.
-Wear deodorant. It's called SpeedStick. It's not expensive.
-Back to the part about the shower...use soap while you're in there.
-Axe and perfume are not substitutes for a shower. They will make your B.O. worse!
-Just take a friggin shower!!!!
-Also about the shower...scrub those pits (more laughter. Apparently "pits" is hilarious).
Ms. Happy intercedes: Guys calm down. We're serious. There is a FUNK on this entire floor.
(you did NOT just use the word funk)
Hysterical laughter breaks out throughout the classroom. This along with B.O. should be standardized vocabulary by 5th grade so that we can have a serious conversation about a truly serious issue! I was getting ticked off. Ms. Happy was ticked. We're both repeating our "Guys. Focus guys." mantras. Then it happened. Thumbs opens his big annoying mouth and ...began singing!
"We got the FUNK! .... We GOT the funk!".
My jaw dropped in absolute shock that this 12 year old who can't add two single-digit numbers knows this Earth Wind and Fire classic. My dropped-jaw then curled, despite resistance from every ounce of my being, to a smile. I looked at Ms. Happy...he had her too. No!!!!!!! Our grins were widening and the spasms in my diaphragm began. I tried to turn away, but the entire class had joined in. There was dancing. There was snapping. There was singing. It was stinkin' hilarious.
There's no avoiding it. We got da funk, and it's apparently here to stay.